Hell Of A Girl
by SideshowJazz1
Summary: When tough teenager Nicole is dragged into the world of "Hey Arnold" and becomes nine years old like everyone else, she's determined to have her fun before she works out a way to get home. And that includes being herself - tough! But Helga isn't sure about this new girl who's meaner than she could ever be. So why does the new girl seem to want to be her friend? Probably Arlga. R&R!
1. Prologue

**A/N: Before anything, I wanna make this clear. Not a fan of this show when it was new. I didn't get it. The only episode I watched as a kid was on a morning during the spring break when I was seven and there was nothing else on. The episode was "Monkey Business" and I was like "Whoa. Morbid." But I've recently watched the show and a character in my head started yelling "Let me talk to Hells!" So Helga "Hells" Pataki, watch out, there's a new badass coming!**

**This is probably the first OC fanfiction of this style written in this archive, so please, do try it. I'm aware there's a lot of background to start with, but it'll get better, although some chapters be shorter. And now for one last thing before you start reading:**

**Nicole: SideshowJazz1 does not own _Hey Arnold, _or anything else you recognize. She, does own me, so try to get her to make me prettier! I don't want to be a Mary-Sue, but at least they get to look good!**

Well, hi there. I suppose you want to hear my story, huh? Well, of course, you clicked on this, so of course you would want to know my story. Unless your crazy best friend forced you into it, or something. At least my crazy best friend never does that.

OK, let me start by saying that I am not a cartoon geek, or a cartoon junkie. I used to watch the _Nickelodeon _channelas a little kid, OK? Honestly, which kid didn't? I grew up on stuff like _Wild Thornberrys, Rugrats, _that kind of thing. Of course, when I was at primary school, Cartoon Network started up and I watched a few Hanna- Barbera shows, and those Cartoon Cartoons, but those shows were a bit tame, really. The Saturday morning cartoons of my life were boring too, although if nothing else was on, I'd watch _Recess._

But that was in the past. I stopped watching those cartoons by the time I was ten. I continued to watch a bit of _Nickelodeon _until I was about twelve. I stopped watching most of those regularly after that, and turned to local soaps, my favourite kind of TV. But if I was feeling down or school was giving me trouble, I'd go into my stash of recorded shows and find the one show that I still liked off the channel. That show was Craig Barrett's _Hey Arnold, _the show about that kid who lives with his grandparents and is just so good and moral all the time.

DON'T YOU DARE PRESS THE BACK KEY! I know it sounds boring to start off, but I should explain. Damn, I'm getting it mixed up, aren't I? OK, I'll talk about the show in a minute. Let me start by saying "Hi, I'm Nicole. Nicole Kidston. Nicole Emma Kidston. And yes, I do know that it sounds like Nicole Kidman, so don't bother pointing it out." I can't act to save my life. Well, that's not true. I can act to save my life and save a lie, but you'd be more likely to win a dance competition with a bear cub than get me on a stage.

I'm sixteen years old, and I have mouse hair which is straight. It's limp, and it gets greasy easily. My eyes are brown, nearly grey. I'm way too tall and thin – honestly, I have hardly any figure – and I mostly wear bright halter tops and light blue jeans. Don't try getting me in a skirt, but dresses are OK. I mostly wear my hair loose, but I occasionally wear it in a low ponytail. I have a couple of really good friends, Maria and Sophie.

It just struck me that I should have been saying that "I was", or that "I had". This used to be my life. I'll be sure to tell you when I get to the bit where I'm sitting here, typing up this story. Anyway, _Hey Arnold! _As I said, the titular character is perfect. Everyone likes him, he always tries to do the right thing, and even the queen bee thinks he's cool enough to hang around with. All the main kids are in fourth grade, and each episode usually centres around one of them. In quite a few, it's Arnold who tells them how to solve their problem or get them to own up to some moral problem – like Phoebe pretending to be injured for longer than usual so her best friend will continue to wait on her hand and foot, or imitations of other students offending said students, stuff like that. It was the only show I still watched when I was a teenager.

Yeah, I'm not a teenager any more. I'm not twenty or older. I'll explain later.

Anyway, what I always liked about this show were the characters. Some better than others. I didn't mind Arnold, although he was a bit boring. Most of the boys were just OK. I liked Gerald and them, but the only one I got any laughs from (or had any interest in) was Curly, and he didn't count. It was the girls that took my attention I did grind my teeth a bit with Rhonda, the fashion queen who thought she was better than everyone else, and Lila, Miss Perfect, to use a description from the show. When she was the new girl, she was the new fashion queen and the brainiac. Speaking of the brainiac, that was Phoebe, a shy Japanese-American girl and one of the characters I really liked. But I did have the problem that she let her best friend walk all over her – the aforementioned prolonged injury was because Phoebe felt like a slave.

Which brings me to Helga Pataki, who is Phoebe's best friend, and possibly the most well-done character in the show. She's definitely really weird, though. In public, she's always yelling or shoving people out of her way. At home, she barely gets noticed by her parents. I swear, her mom's an alcoholic and her dad mostly calls her by her older sister's name – Olga, who is usually away at university. But when Olga's home, she gets all the attention. Once, she even signed up for a programme to be a sister to an only child – Lila – instead of being a sister to her real "baby sister". But like I said, Helga is weird. It's not the fact that she's yelling at people, shoving them, calling them names and all that. The weird thing is...she's stalking Arnold all the time. She has an obsessive, strange, creepy crush on him. In at least half the episodes, she sees him, and she usually takes out her locket with a picture of him and monologues. Sometimes she's saying mean things out of Arnold's earshot, then she takes out the locket and says "And yet...I love him."

Hang on, I haven't gotten to the strange part yet. HEY, STOP TRYING TO GO BACK! I'M NOT DONE YET!

OK, firstly, Helga is never nice to Arnold. She's always yelling at him more than anyone else, picking on him, calling him names – mostly "Football Head" on account of his face shape – and all that.

And no, that's not the strange part either. So half the time, Helga's stalking Arnold and monologuing about how much she loves him, and the other half, she's calling him names and being mean. The thing is, she has a shrine in her wardrobe of Arnold. It varies from episode to episode, but once it was a sculpture of Arnold made out of his used gum. She also writes poetry about Arnold, which isn't too bad. There was that one which started "_Arnold, my love, my sultry pre-teen, why must I hold you only whilst I dream?" _There were bad ones, like the one that began "_Arnold, you idiot". _But I still like her. She's my favourite character, and she almost feels real, like a friend or something. My head recently convinced me to nickname her "Hells", since her name is really awful, and even she would admit that she's a HELL of a crazy girl. Eliminate the crazy, and her nickname is the crown to her tough-girl bossy I'm-better-than-everyone-else-and-I-hate-you-all image she tries so hard to keep. Sometimes I wonder why she thinks she needs to. Some people hate her, and others fear her. She'd get further if she was always like Lila.

OK, background over. You can sigh in relief...now. Let's get to the real story.

So it was early May, around the time of exams. I was at home, studying. Well, I was actually pretending to study. Mom and Dad never bothered to check if I was studying, so as long as I didn't make any noise, they wouldn't bother with me. The studying was really getting to me, and my antidote to feeling down was, as always, the only cartoon I still watched. So I stuck some headphones on and clicked into YouTube.

I started off just watching "Beaned", an episode when Helga gets hit on the head and has amnesia. Once she recovers the next morning, she finds out that Arnold, feeling responsible for the ball hitting her, walked her home and got her up to her room to rest, then waited in her house to tell her parents when they got home. So she pretends to have amnesia for the whole day just so Arnold will continue to do stuff for her.

After that, I watched a few music videos, both AMVs (animated music videos) and official ones. My favourite singer is Katy Perry, although (and if you ever meet my friends, DON'T repeat this) I still listen to Avril Lavigne, Taylor Swift, ABBA, the Beatles, and even Britney Spears!

Then I got to the Thanksgiving episode. At that point, I remembered that I was meant to study, and that was when it happened, as the opening theme played.

I should explain that my laptop is second hand, so when the screen broke into pixels, I wasn't too surprised. What did shock me was when I touched the screen, my fingertips blurred into pixels as well. I would've gone to get Mom, since she's a senior Tech Angel and could fix things within literal seconds, but the rest of me became pixelated as well. For the first time in my life, I was truly scared. The theme continued to play, and the room spun as Helga's exclamation of "Move it, Football Head!" rang in my ears.

The last thing I heard before a fade to black was a chant of "_Hey, Arnold_!"

**So there you have it! And no, guys, Nicole's staying a tall skinny mouse-haired girl. But do please review, I don't want to screw up!**


	2. Chapter 1

**OK, here's my next chapter. Thanks for reviewing, Guest and LEC743. Also, thanks to favouriters and followers, but reviews are what really make me happy!**

When I came to, I first became aware of the surface I was lying on. It wasn't hard, but it wasn't soft, either. When I remembered what had happened, I turned the idea over, and smiled inwardly. I must've been hallucinating, or maybe I'd unconsciously been daydreaming. Something like that. I figured that I must've passed out.

I opened my eyes...and froze. The place I was in looked like a school sickbay. There was a woman in the room, the nurse, I assumed. She looked over at me and smiled. "Oh, you're awake."

"Um, I'm guessing I am." I said. "Although judging by the surroundings, I'd think I was dreaming, since I don't recognize this place."

The nurse looked concerned. "How are you feeling?" she asked in that way they talk, oh-so-concerned-for-your-wellbeing.

"Fuzzy." I answered honestly. "So, since I have no idea where I am, even if I have amnesia, could you tell me?"

"You're in the sickbay of PS 118."

I thought this over, trying to stay calm. "Did you say PS 118?" I asked nervously. "As in the primary school in Hillwood?"

"Yes, of course. Are you new here?"

I still couldn't comprehend this. Had I really been pixelated and become part of the screen in a Nickelodeon TV show?

For the first time, I looked at myself, and noticed the strangest thing. I wasn't sixteen! I was still wearing light jeans and a bright blue T-shirt, but I definitely was not sixteen any more. I looked about the same age as the characters! This was getting really weird. Had someone slipped me a drug or was I going insane? What next? Would I see characters in the hall as well?

But meanwhile, I'd just have to play along.

"Yes, I'm new here." I said quickly, trying my hardest to make my cover story believable. "My name's Nicole Kidston and I'm in the fourth grade. I'm not sure what happened...I was a bit nervous when I got here. I guess I passed out from being so overwhelmed. Did someone find me?"

After the nurse checked me over, I was allowed to leave. The first thing I needed to do was get things sorted out, and if I was in the show, I knew my best bet for living would be to get help from Arnold. After all, he did live in a boarding house his grandfather owned, and if I could find some way to stay there without having to pay, my living conditions would be sorted. Of course, I'd also have to make up some tragic cover story to explain why I have no family around, but that could come later.

The environment wasn't a cartoon, though. Everything was real. So was I just dreaming, or would I really see the characters?

I passed some of the classrooms, and I peeked in the glass window on the door. Sure enough, when I found the fourth-grade room, I could see Mr Simmons (in real form) teaching, and I recognized most of the students, several of them looking bored. Arnold was one of the students actually concentrating, in the front row. As a regular human, his head was still a bit wider than usual, but it wasn't exaggerated as the cartoon. It was only just noticeable enough for Helga to be able to still call him "Football Head". His hair was obviously stuck in its style with gel, and his blue hat actually covered his head, the hair sticking out from each side.

I recognized Helga further back. Even as a normal person, she was easy enough to recognize, especially since she was staring at Arnold. Her blonde pigtails didn't stick out as much as they did in the show, and her pink bow seemed to be tied more like a fabric headband, with the bow itself pulled forward. The girl sitting next to her I assumed to be Phoebe, who was one of the students that didn't look bored. I couldn't be sure, but I based it on the facts that she looked Asian and was very petite.

I named each student in my head, making sure to know who was who.

I thought about what I needed to do out loud. "OK, first things first. I should probably enrol in the school." I'll admit it, part of the reason for enrolling was because I was hoping to spend some time with the characters, but if I enrolled now, it would be one less thing to worry about. Besides, it was fourth grade. After finishing sophomore year, fourth grade would be a breeze.

Principal Wartz was an idiot. All I had to do to enrol was tell him I wanted to, and make up some sob story about my parents dying and me having to move into the ghettos, that I was on my own until further notice. Within the space of ten minutes, I was taken to Mr Simmons' class and taking the seat at the back. It was a good thing I remembered what happened in the episode when Lila first joined the class. She pissed off half the girls by answering questions before Phoebe, starting fashion trends before Rhonda, and charming absolutely everyone. So I had some idea of how to fit in from Lila's mistakes, although there was one thing I absolutely wouldn't do. While Helga wasn't the popular queen of the school, she would probably try telling me what to do. But I'd never stood for anyone telling me what to do, and I wasn't about to start now. Although I kind of wanted to hang out with her, I wasn't going to let her think I was another Phoebe, helping her out absolutely all the time and doing everything she was too lazy to do herself.

Maybe I'd start by making friends with Lila. I stole a glance at the serene girl. She was annoying, but she was nice, no one could deny that. And she'd been the new girl once...

Nah! What was I thinking? I shook my head violently. Making friends with Lila would probably lower my chances of making friends with the other girls. Helga especially had jealousy issues with Lila, because Arnold had a bit of a crush on her, and because she was so perfect. Phoebe was just as nice as Lila, and I liked her a lot better. Problem was, she was always with Helga if she was anywhere, and although she was my main target, she was also the trickiest. I couldn't get on Phoebe's good side if I wasn't on Helga's.

Sure enough, the girls approached me at recess to ask me what my deal was, the way they'd asked Lila (Lila wasn't one of them, she was, as usual, telling the boys one of her "ever so" amusing stories). Helga led the other girls, of course. But I didn't act shy and overwhelmed. I stood up and met the light blue eyes of the blonde.

"Just moved here." was all I said. "Tragic thing with my parents. It happened a while ago. Until now, I was in a dumping ground for kids no one wants. Now -"

"OK, OK, I didn't ask for your life story." Helga cut me off. "You're new, so there are a few things you should know. Me and all the other girls, we run things around here, and everyone has their territory. If you want to fit in, you have to learn about it."

I shrugged. "Whatever. Just don't boss me around or anything and things should get along fine."

Rhonda raised her eyebrows at me. "Nicole, right? You've got a lot to learn before you can try to tell us what to do. That's our line."

I simply shrugged again. "I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just making the suggestion that you don't try to tell me what to do." Before any of the other girls could speak, I remembered some of the other things Helga told Lila, and since I didn't want a variation repeated to me, I quickly said "And I know that fitting in takes a lot of time, and that I have to start off small, and I have to be willing to learn. It'll take ages to fit in, even longer to make any friends, even if you help me."

The other girls looked taken aback. I grinned. "Let me guess, I'm the first to stand up to you all. Why don't I also be the first to have learned all of your names? I picked them up in class." I pointed to each one correctly. "Helga, Rhonda, Phoebe, Nadine, and Sheena, right?" I got another shocked look, which I got a lot of satisfaction out of. It's not every day a girl can surprise Helga Pataki.

I smiled sweetly at them all. "Oh, and by the way, I know girls like you. So I'm aware that you might try to play tricks on me if I cross a line. So don't worry, I'm not going to start new trends," I glanced at Rhonda, "Or answer all the questions in class," My eyes glided over Phoebe, "And I definitely won't try to take away anyone's crush, if I was to notice one." My eyes flickered to Helga, although it was a blink-and-you''ll-miss-it glance (I didn't want her to be sure I knew about her obsession straight away). I'm not sure if she noticed.

Before the other girls could respond, I walked off towards Lila and the boys, to see if I had any luck chatting to them. I also had to remind myself to ask about the Sunset Arms, or if there was anywhere else I could stay. But before I could, the bell rang. Oh well, I'd have to ask him at lunch.

**There, the second chapter done. Please review!**


	3. Chapter 2

**Now, let's go. Thanks for reviewing, Guest.**

I did manage to get a room at the Sunset Arms, thank goodness, and since I was a homeless kid, I didn't get charged for it. Of course, my life wasn't awesome, but it was adequate. I didn't really talk to most of the other boarders, but it was what I needed to survive.

Over the next week, I got the hang of things. At the house, I got to talk to Arnold a bit, and I started to realize that he wasn't quite as Gary-Stu as I thought. He was also pretty fun to be around when he didn't have to be the voice of reason to one person or another. I didn't talk to him too much around school, though. I knew what Helga was capable of, and I didn't particularly want to have to be on my guard all the time. There was time the girls tipped creamed spinach on Lila's head, a bunch of tricks she tried to pull on her sister...if she started thinking that I was more than friends with Arnold, she would no doubt get jealous. And because I was still the new girl, it would be even worse.

However, throughout the week, I continued to try and make friends. I kept away from Rhonda's crowd. I didn't want to get in with the snobs. However, I kept close to Phoebe and Helga. They were the two girls I really wanted to be in with.

That didn't mean I was going to go around not being myself. I occasionally answered a question in class, but not enough to annoy Phoebe, who still raised her hand for nearly every question. I still walked down the halls with confidence. I didn't yell at people and shove them out of my way like Helga did, but if some kid was unlucky enough to get in my way, it was their own fault if I bumped into them. If they complained about me bashing into them or stepping on their foot, they'd experience me grinding my heel further, or bumping into their shoulder harder. Hey, they were getting in my way!

At the end of Friday, I had just closed my locker and was ready to get onto the bus, when I realized that Helga was leaning against the locker block, simply watching me.

"If you're finished staring at me, I have to get to the bus," I said, trying to pass her. She pulled me back by the arm. For a skinny little thing, she was strong. Most of her threats about her fists (apart from with Brainy whenever she was monologuing) seemed to be all talk, so I hadn't expected that.

"I get the bus, too." she said with an unmistakable note of warning in her voice. "We need to have a talk."

So I had to sit with her on the bus. "So what's the deal?" I asked. "If you were mad at me for something, wouldn't you just fill my locker with Jell-O or switch my lunch with a fake one, or...I don't know, cover me in something disgusting?" The girls had tried to do all these things to Lila, except Lila had switched lockers and lunches with one of the other girls, so only the last one had succeeded, and Helga had been beaten up twice when she stupidly exposed herself as the trick-player.

Helga just rolled her eyes. "Like I'm that stupid, new girl. I get that you think you're SO onto me and all that. I don't know what you're up to here, but you don't seem to know what being the new kid means. You should know by now that I run this place, me and the other girls."  
"Yeah," I said, "So? Not like I'm taking over or anything. I have a right to be here, every bit as much as you."

"Listen to me, Nicole." Helga said dangerously. "You may think you've got the hang of things here, but if you continue to act like you own the school, you'll be in for a surprise."

"And you're not someone I want for an enemy, yadda yadda yadda." I stifled a yawn. "Heard that one before, Hells. Your point?"

Helga had caught the use of the nickname I'd given her. "I'm sorry, what did you call me?" she demanded.

"I called you Hells." I replied casually. "Just thought it suited you better than Helga. That name means 'holy', and I think you're one HELL of a girl, rather than holy. Therefore, Hells. It's quicker, too."

"Listen here, girl." Helga snarled. "Only I can decide what you can call me, and you're not calling me that...that excuse for a nickname. It's Helga G. Pataki to you, and don't you forget it!"

"Get a grip, girl." I said. "It's not like I'm threatening you or anything. All I wanted was to just be friends with you. Why do you think I've been trying to talk to you and Phoebe every day?" But if I wanted Helga to accept me, it looked like I'd have to be a little less me and a little more meek. I could hate it, but maybe a bit of artificial sweetener might be the key.

I quickly smiled and said "See, I've wanted to fit in with you all. And it seems like the boys don't mind me, but I've wanted to have some female friends, too. So obviously my plan of this week hasn't worked. Maybe you could give me a few pointers? We could work towards it."

Helga's eyes narrowed, and she scrutinized my face for a long time, before nodding. "Yeah, OK. But you've got a long, hard road ahead, Nicole. Being willing is a start, but that's all. Just remember, you have to crawl before you walk-"

"Walk before I run, I know." I interrupted. "You don't have to tell me how hard it's going to be. I've figured. But if you – and maybe Phoebe? – would agree to help me, than I'd really appreciate it."

"Uh-huh." Helga nodded seriously. "But," she added, "You have to do what we tell you. You'll probably learn from there. Eventually."

Inwardly, I sighed, but outwardly, I simply smiled obligingly.

Back at the boarding house, I talked to Arnold about what had happened. He'd known Helga since preschool, and I wondered if that might be helpful to me. "According to her, she has an issue that I'm confident around school. I think it's because she's always been the fourth-grade tough girl, and she thinks I'm trying to take her place."

"She'll probably get used to you." Arnold answered. "Everyone went through the same thing when Lila was the new girl. In the end, they just accepted her as a friend."

I knew why they'd been mean to Lila in the first place, though. Arnold probably hadn't even noticed how Lila had unwittingly infiltrated the positions that belonged to Phoebe and Rhonda. But that wasn't the point.

"No, it's not that." I argued. "I'm not talking about all the girls. Just Helga. She said I was acting like I owned the school. I told her that I'd try to fit in differently just to placate her. Thing is, you've known her for longer than me. Is she really like she was being...you know, aggressive, mean, blunt, tough?"

Arnold paused for a moment. Then he finally spoke. "I think she's not as mean as she tries to be. I know there's something more, but she very rarely shows it. A few months ago, the neighbourhood was going to be torn down. Me and Gerald were trying to stop it, and we later found out that Helga was secretly trying to help us, even though her family would've gotten rich off it. I didn't understand why, because she seems to hate me most of the time. Just occasionally, she does something that really surprises me."

He was talking about what happened in the movie. I remembered Helga's words on the rooftop when she confessed. "_I love you! Love you! Who else do you think has been stalking you night and day, building shrines of you in a closet, filling volumes of books with poems about you? I LOVE you, Arnold, I've always loved you, ever since I laid eyes on your stupid football head!" _There was more, but I forget. But thinking of that made me want to ask if he really believed it was in the heat of the moment, as the two of them had said. But he hadn't told me, so I couldn't ask.

All I said instead was "Yeah...I don't really think she's that mean. She wants to be, but she's not. And I'm pretty sure she doesn't hate you, Arnold. Haven't you heard that people have a tendency to pick on the people they like? If she really acts like she hates you, it's more likely she doesn't hate you."

Arnold shrugged. "Sometimes I think so, but I don't know. She once said something about loving – I mean...she said something, but we've never talked about it since."

I laughed. "You're pretty open, you know that? Not that I'd tell anyone, but that is so not the type of thing I'd tell someone I'd only just met a few days prior."

Arnold laughed too. "I don't know why I told you, Nicole. I didn't even tell Gerald about it. It just feels...I'm not sure, OK. It's like I know you won't tell, practically like I've known you for a long time. Practically like you already knew."

I smiled at this. I'd definitely felt acquainted with Arnold since I began watching the show at a young age, but it was like he had some subconscious knowledge of his viewers, when he said that. "I feel like I've known you for a long time, too." I said truthfully. "You're like this boy on a TV show I used to watch."

I knew I was getting too close to the truth after I said that, and I made an excuse to go back to my own room straight after that. I had had a thought. I really wanted to go back to my own world at some point, but not yet. I was staying right here for a while. I'd have my fun. But since the famous "_Jungle Movie" _wasn't out, I wasn't going to leave until I'd made friends with Helga – and gotten her and Arnold together.

**So Nicole's fallen into the same mindset as most of the fans have – that at any costs, Arnold and Helga should be together. Well, we all know they should be, but she's planning to actually play matchmaker. It'll be an uphill job, but she's ready to do it. Please review!**


	4. Chapter 3

**Now, I shall continue. Thanks for your review, Himeno Kazehito and Guest.**

The next few weeks went by rather quickly. On the outside, I probably seemed like I was sticking to my word and trying to fit in. I started stepping around people in the halls instead of not bothering to do anything, and I wasn't as much myself as I'd like to be. I didn't enjoy it, but if I was going to achieve my goal, I had to. And it seemed to be working.

Although Helga didn't exactly regard me as a friend, and still as the new girl, she let me sit with her and Phoebe at lunch, and hang around with them and the other girls at recess. However, I could tell she still had her reservations. Once or twice, I'd caught her watching me with a puzzled and nervous expression. It was the first time I'd seen her show any insecurity while I was in this world.

I suspected that she had the same feeling Arnold had – that she already knew me, and maybe she was scared that I knew her a lot better than anyone else. I had been watching her recently, but so far, I hadn't noticed her interacting with Arnold, and I only once or twice saw her watching him from a distance, and I'd only seen her with the locket once. I hadn't seen Brainy at all. But those occasional times did let me know that the girl I knew from the screen was the girl I now saw every day.

When I was out of sight of the girls, I didn't try to be any different from how I'd acted during the first week. Besides Helga, only Phoebe took any real notice of me, and that was just because she was being her usual self, the ever-loyal best friend. Sometimes, I wondered if she ever did things just for herself.

I did end up getting a little friendly with Lila. She was still annoying, but at the beginning of the second week, she was the first person I saw. "Hi." she'd said. "You're Nicole, aren't you? I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to introduce myself last week. I'm Lila."

I had to smile back at her and say "Yep, that's me. Nice to meet you, Lila."

"It's ever so nice to meet you, too." That made me grimace. I remembered Lila's speech patterns, her "ever so"s, her "oh so"s, and her "I'm certain"s, but it didn't make them any less annoying.

It wasn't easy to just not be friends with Lila, now she'd talked to me once. But I didn't want to talk to her myself, and I didn't really want to be friends with the sugar-spiller, little Miss Perfect. She didn't particularly look for me, but when we met in the halls by chance, she always asked me how I was, and how I was fitting in, and sometimes I just wished she could take the hint and leave me alone, but I wasn't heartless. I'd admit to myself, I was self-opinionated, looking out for number one, and a bit mean, but I didn't have the heart to tell Lila that I just didn't like her.

It was weird that I didn't like Lila, because I liked Phoebe, and they were both really nice people. Maybe it was because Lila was too perfect, and perfect people were really hard to like, no matter how nice they were. There was also her annoying speech pattern, although I hadn't minded that in the show.

I should probably talk a bit more about Phoebe. In the show, Helga had a tendency to order her around. Well, she mostly ordered everyone around, but Phoebe most of all. I expected that Helga had stopped after that time Phoebe broke her leg doing errands for her, and then confessed that she'd prolonged her injury because she didn't want to return to being Helga's slave. But I still witnessed her ordering her friend around all the time. And Phoebe would just do whatever it was, never protesting.

It was only one day near the end of lunch that I caught Phoebe on her own. I had passed Helga before, and I had rushed past when I saw her reach into the neck of her dress (where she keeps her Arnold locket), not wanting to get punched in the face.

I wanted to ask the question, so I just came out with it. "How can you stand it?"

Phoebe looked up at me, confused. "What?"

"What I mean, is how can you stand Helga ordering you around all the time?" I reiterated. "You seem happy just to be her puppet, half the time. You're just as good as anyone else, better, and you don't deserve to be a slave. So why do you let Helga treat you like one?"

Phoebe blinked, looking surprised. Obviously no one had asked her how she felt about it. "She doesn't, really." she protested, albeit weakly. "She's my best friend. Friends do favours for each other."

"Favours, schavours." I scoffed. "I know she's your best friend, and I know you two actually do like each other. But think about it, Phoebe. She's always asking you to do stuff. Since when did she do anything for you?"

"I broke my leg a while ago." Phoebe admitted. "She treated me like a queen, then, although part of it was because it was kind of her fault. She used to always make me do everything for her. She doesn't do that now."

"But you still let her walk all over you." I argued. "Don't think I haven't noticed. It's not just her. It's half our class. You never say no to anyone. I mean, it's not a problem mostly, but you especially let Helga exploit that trait for her own gain. Are you ever going to stand up to anyone?"

I knew instantly I'd crossed a line. Phoebe's dark eyes flashed with anger behind her glasses, and her voice, when she spoke, was tight. "Well, I'm going to stand up to you right now, Nicole. You're the new girl, you can't assume you know all these things. You don't know me or Helga, and if you want to fit in, you should stop assuming you do."

I'd only seen Phoebe get angry a few times. Mostly, she just got sad or shocked. Her anger had never really come out at the time of the offence, only after. I knew I was going to have to apologize.

I sighed. This was going to be really hard. "I'm sorry." I finally said, forcing out the words. "You're right, Phoebe. I don't know you well enough to be able to determine this, and besides, how do I know if you do or don't enjoy it? Will you forgive me?" I held my breath. Phoebe could hold a grudge at times, although not for very long. But she was my favourite side character of the show, and I didn't want her to dislike me.

Phoebe paused, and then smiled. "I guess I forgive you. It's not like you were trying to be mean or anything."

I breathed out in relief, and smiled back. "Thanks."

After that, I started to maintain a real friendship with Phoebe. She was sweet, smart and nice most of the time. I remembered what a nightmare she'd been in the episode when she was a hall monitor (Helga had tried to coach her on ordering other kids around, but it went a bit too far, especially when Phoebe gave out detentions to pretty much the whole class), and how everyone had missed the regular Phoebe, who was always generous and kind and quiet. Although I was none of those things, I still had enough in common with Phoebe to be friends with her. But I made sure not to take advantage of her generosity. Her best friend did that enough already.

I knew breaking through Helga's walls would be a challenge, and I convinced myself that I was up for it. But first I had to make friends with her. I was never going to give up on getting her and Arnold together.

I'd been thinking that once I made it into the first stage, I might have to call in some help from the other people who knew how Helga felt. Phoebe, possibly. Lila. Brainy, if he ever talked properly (I knew that he could talk, but that didn't mean he would).

And as the weeks went by, I grew closer to gaining Helga's friendship. From the end of the second week, I knew she, at least, respected me as much as anyone else in her class (not saying that much), and after a month, she seemed to accept that I wanted to fit in. But she still seemed nervous around me.

But damn it, I was going to befriend Helga Pataki and set her up with the boy she loved, no matter what!

**That's the fourth chapter done. Trust me, the next chapter will have a bit more development. Please review!**


	5. Chapter 4

**Now, shall we start the next chapter? Thanks for reviewing, Himeno Kazehito!**

The fourth grade classes were pretty easy, actually. There was all the boring stuff, but Mr Simmons was actually a pretty good teacher, and he clearly loved his job. Of course, I'd sat through pretty much everything we were doing when I was actually in fourth grade, but apart from that, actually doing the stuff that was actually the reason people had to go to school at all was...OK. Just OK.

I spent most of my time in classes watching other people from the back. Helga didn't seem to flick spit balls at Arnold as much as she did in the show, although she still did . I guessed that it was because this was after the revealing confession in the movie, and although she and Arnold had both decided that it was in the heat of the moment, it was hard to forget something like that, although from what I'd observed, both basically kept things the same. Helga continued to ignore or abuse Arnold in public, and sigh over him privately, while Arnold tried to ignore her bullying and be his generally nice self.

It actually made me smile when, after another spit ball, Arnold turned around to glare at the culprit, and she simply hissed "What?" It felt so familiar to when I watched the TV episodes.

My mind kept going into overdrive whenever I hung out with any kid, though. Lines from Helga's many poems and monologues kept running through my head. "_E is for every time I see the little runt...Whose red-hot lips do I wanna taste? Three guesses stupid...Someday I'll tell the world my love, or my name's not Helga G. Pataki!"_

It wasn't easy to act like I didn't know, so I planned to try and catch Phoebe on her own again so I could ask her about "ice-cream", the code word she and Helga used.

The day I caught her on her own was also the day I probably said the stupidest conversation-starter ever: "Romantic love is getting so commercialised today."

This immediately got the attention of the two girls I had been sitting with each day, as well as most of our class and then some.

"I mean..." I backtracked. "Everyone says romance is dead, while I think it's just turned into a commercialised concept. Romance is still out there, sometimes in the place you least expect. Most people hide their romantic sides, but they still do things like make art, write poetry, dream about someone...that kind of thing. No one ever lets themselves be dramatic and romantic, because they think romance is dead and they will be spurned."

I made sure not to look at anyone in particular at the time, but I think my speech got through to someone I'd forgotten.

"Romance is NOT dead!"

Oh yeah, I'd forgotten that Curly was still around, and that he had the hugest crush on Rhonda, although she made a point of pushing him away, this time because she truly wasn't interested. He obviously hadn't realized that my point was that romance wasn't dead, it was just dormant in most. He was standing on a table as he spoke. I didn't really want to hear if he went any further, though, so I turned back to the girls as pretty much everyone turned their attention to Curly. I caught Helga's somewhat suspicious and puzzled look, and then I realized that I'd just described her perfectly. She didn't seem to notice I'd seen her look until I said "Keep staring, I might just do a trick. Unless you feel that's your line, of course."

Helga immediately snapped out of it and scowled at me. Phoebe, who'd watched the exchange with interest, politely didn't comment.

Turned out my little speech that everyone heard had spurred Curly on to get his girl. I could hear Rhonda's protests from the other side of the cafeteria. It made me smile, remembering the time Helga had advised Rhonda to let Curly think she was crazy about him, thinking it would put him off, when his first reaction was actually to try to kiss her, and then continuing to stalk her. Some people thought it was really creepy and sympathised a bit with Rhonda, but me? I took Curly's side, simply because I thought Rhonda was very much a "poor little rich girl" type that deserved a super-creepy stalker.

It was just after school that I caught Phoebe at her locker, on her own. My locker was one of the lower ones, but apart from that, it was about five lockers away from hers. Helga's locker was in a block around the corner, so unless she wanted a favour from Phoebe (which she usually did), she wasn't around. "Hey, Phoebe, can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Sure, Nicole." Phoebe said. "What is it?"

"Well, do you remember what I said today?" I said. "About people hiding their romantic sides and only letting it out secretly by writing poetry and dreaming? And did you see how Helga was looking at me after I said that?"

Phoebe nodded, looking unsure. "I think I know why." she admitted quietly, obviously not intending for me to hear.

I smiled anyway. "Is it something to do with...um...'ice cream'?"

Phoebe's eyes widened. "How did you..."

"I have my ways." I said evasively. "I assume you know what that word actually means. Anyway, I think Helga looked at me that way because she thought I knew something. I knew she had something going on, it's pretty obvious. But judging by her look, she obviously has a secret romantic side which causes her to dream about it, and write poetry...you take my point, right?"

Phoebe nodded again. "But what does this have to do with anything?"

I smirked. "I've noticed the way she looks at that boy, ever since I first got here. Can't believe no one else seems to have picked it up. I need your help, Phoebe. To play matchmaker."

Phoebe gasped. "Nicole, you can't honestly think you can do that? Don't you think you should just leave her to confess when she's ready?"

I smirked again. "She's already confessed." I explained. "Arnold told me. Thing is, she took it back." I thought it was OK to use his name, seeing as I wasn't talking about Helga's obsession in that sense, but rather someone who knew about the confession, even if they were the same person.

Suddenly, Phoebe narrowed her eyes. "Are you sure he just told you? You seem to know a lot more than you let on. How else would you know about ice cream, or poetry, or anything? I thought you seemed familiar, although I'm sure we've never met before."

_Damn it. _I knew that some of the kids thought they knew me more than they should, but Phoebe was the first to question it.

"I just see and hear things around the school." I insisted. "You can't tell me no one else has picked up on anything. I knew Arnold was dense when it came to girls, but you can't tell me that everyone else is!"

By that time, Helga had appeared at the end of the hall and was coming our way, so Phoebe didn't reply, and we all walked to the bus. But Phoebe's voiced suspicions had got me thinking. She'd noticed I knew too much for someone who was new. If I could slip up with that conversation, it was only a matter of time before Helga started asking questions. She wasn't stupid enough to miss it. I knew Arnold would soon be on to me, as well, but I doubted he'd ask questions unless I screwed up majorly.

And that gave me a new thought. I needed to work out exactly what Helga's suspicions were. She knew there was more to me than meets the eye, or she wouldn't keep looking at me like she was. Thing was, if I was to ask her, I'd have to get her alone. That conversation wasn't something either of us would want overheard.

Maybe I'd just have to do the same thing that she did to me – force her to listen. And if it came to that, I had plenty of blackmail material, not the least of which started with "Arnold" and ended with "Obsession".

**Nicole will talk to Helga next chapter. Please review!**


	6. Chapter 5

**OK, next chapter. Again, thanks for your review, Himeno Kazehito!**

**Sorry about the duplication of the last chapter. This is the one I meant to upload.**

It was a Tuesday when I got my chance. This time, it was by the lockers in the middle of lunchtime. Phoebe wasn't at school for some reason, and since I didn't really want to ask Helga in the middle of the cafeteria, I waited until everyone was let free for lunchtime recess, for lack of a better phrase.

It was a sunny day, with just enough breeze to keep the heat under control, so it was perfect conditions for everyone else to be outside. However, the minute we were let out, I pulled Helga aside and said sweetly "Shall we stay in for a moment? I have to talk to you." I wasn't going to give her a choice, though. I dragged her over to a space near the locker block my locker was in. A couple of sixth-grade stragglers walked by, but after that, we were alone.

I immediately got to the point. "You keep giving me weird looks. Care to explain why?"

An expression of surprise flickered before Helga resumed her usual scowl. "What if I have, newbie?"

"I hardly think you can still call me that." I countered. "I've been here for a month, and frankly, your weird looks are disturbing. Think you can explain why you're so suspicious of me?"

"Well, maybe I just can't stand you hanging around with me all the time!" she shot back.

I smiled brightly at her, trying my best to copy Lila in expression, but be myself verbally. Fake sweetness is a powerful tool. "You sure it's not because you feel like you know me, even though we've never met? That I know secrets that I couldn't possibly know?"

Helga's hostility mask was still up. "And just why would I think that?" she demanded.

"Oh, I don't know." I smiled. "But before I tell you what I think your big secret is, I'll just mention that I would never ever tell it, although I think you should stop being scared of letting it go. Oh, and I do know that you'd kill me if I broke my word." I took a deep breath, and said in the quietest voice that wasn't a whisper "You are obsessed with Arnold."

I think I broke her then. She froze. I had expected her to act defensively straight off the bat, not freeze, so it was pretty amusing. I waited for a moment, than I spoke again.

"Oh, come on, you don't honestly think I couldn't see that?" I sighed. I already had an excuse for it. "You're always calling him names and throwing stuff at him. It's all over the internet that at school age, picking on people is a clear sign that you like them. And don't deny it, Helga Pataki, because I won't believe you. Don't think I haven't seen you talking to your locket." I smiled again, and added "Don't you dare try to punch me, though, I'm not Brainy. And I promise I won't tell anyone about it. That's your job."

This finally seemed to get Helga back to reality. She scowled at me. "Well, you better not tell anyone. If you're such a know-it-all, than I'm assuming you know what'll happen if you told ANYONE."

I couldn't resist asking "So even if I talked to Lila about it?" I knew Lila knew. Helga told her because she was desperate to play opposite Arnold in a play of _Romeo and Juliet, _and she'd already managed to talk the first three possible Juliets (Rhonda, Sheena and Phoebe) out of playing the role. All she had to do was get Lila to give up the part, and Lila told her she wouldn't mind giving up the part if it was something to do with having a crush on Arnold.

But I quickly added "That's not the point, anyway. There are two things I wanted to talk about. A: When are you going to Gryffindor up and tell him, and b: WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME WEIRD LOOKS?" (Yes, I just slipped in a Harry Potter reference. Got a problem with that?)

"OK, OK!" Helga held up her hands in a defensive pose. "Criminy, you don't have to yell." She sighed impatiently. "If you insist on hearing it, you act like you know everyone already. I mean, knowing everyone's names on the first day? Expecting me to pull pranks on you? Talking about hiding romance? I should be asking you why you know all this stuff. Phoebe's noticed, too. She says you even know about our code word."

"Yes, I do know how you feel about 'ice cream'." I sighed. "By the way, you should really stop staring at it and order a cone." (Of course, I meant to tell her to make a move.) "Anyway, I just pick up on this stuff. It's in the air. My hiding romance thing was a random conversation starter, doesn't mean anything. Your names aren't hard to learn. And you just seem like the kind of person who'd play pranks as revenge for things. People like you are ruthless in that case. Still, doesn't explain all of your weird looks."

Helga rolled her eyes. "Well, don't I feel loved." she muttered, and then looked back at me. "Fine. I just think I know you, OK? I know I haven't met you before, I'd remember, but...I just...you feel familiar, OK?" She was getting louder.

I shrugged. "OK. Cool. That's all I wanted to know. Now, Helga, last thing to talk about. Will you ever let me be your friend? I get you don't want to be my friend, but I'm still yours if you ever decide. I'm still not going to tell about ice cream, and I know Phoebe's my friend now. So? My friendship? Take it or leave it, I won't care."

Helga paused. Her face scrunched up in thought. I'd never seen that expression on her face before.

Finally, she looked at me, and half-smiled. "Fine. We're friends. But don't think this means you can get all girly mushy express-your-feelings on me, or that I won't rip your tongue out if you ever tell."

I grinned and nodded. "As long as you don't expect me to be your slave, I wouldn't have it any other way."

I still remembered the YouTube dub of the show which brought up some interesting points. Some were weird, like the fact that in the first episode, Arnold was wearing a banana costume for the food groups play, and Helga was the director, so he questioned why he in particular was a banana. It didn't help that the dub script made a joke about that when Arnold and Gerald didn't show up. It also called to attention how much of a token black guy Gerald was, because that version said "yo" at the end of every line, eg: "We'll stay on the bus, and not pull the cord and end up downtown for no reason, yo". But the one I was thinking of was that whenever Phoebe talked, Helga first referred to her as "slave" then added "I mean, Phoebe." Of course, that was a completely crazy I-know-inside-jokes-of-this-show version of the character, so I didn't expect my words to have any real effect.

When the bell rang for the end of lunch, I went through the corridors in my usual way, sometimes shoving past people wordlessly.

"Hey, watch it!" one of the boys complained as I elbowed him to the side. I returned it by jabbing him with my elbow even harder, then moving on.

Now, I was no longer going to keep up the new girl doesn't-know-anyone pretence. I didn't have to be her any more. I could go back to being me without the threat of the most ruthless girl in the school thinking I was acting too much like I owned the place.

Step One of Operation Matchmaker was running. I just had to make sure I had a good balance between being a friend and being Nicole. Now I had to go to Step Two.

Problem was, I had no idea what Step Two would be.

**Nicole is finally realizing that this isn't as easy as it sounds. What should she do? Please review!**


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